not so much a question :)
but you seem to be liking/reblogging quite a few of my stuff
SOOOOO.. i just wanted to say
thankyou for making me feel good :)
oh and i guess i should chuck in a question
how goes life ?
haha of course :D I love your blog !!
& Life is honestly amazing right now :) Besides the fact that school starts tomorrow -_____-
I miss you so damn much. its been about a year and 3 months and sometimes it hurts just as much as the day I lost you. Sometimes the sadness comes completely out of the blue. At one point I feel like I come to the acceptance that you’re gone for the rest of my life and I’m okay with that because I know its in God’s plan and all. But then sometimes All this anger and sadness and hurt swells up inside me and I can’t help but cry, scream, pound my fists, or even just sit there quiet for hours. Sometimes thinking about everything and sometimes nothing at all.
I hate that you’re gone so much. i hate looking back and remembering the way you would squeeze me so tight whenever you got home from work. You acted like you’d been waiting for that moment all day. I hate looking back and remembering laying down next to you with your arm draped over me and feeling so protected and loved. I hate remembering the way you would look at me and tell me how proud you were of me and how much you loved me and wished for nothing bad to ever happen to me. I hate looking back at all the holidays and birthdays and memories and knowing you won’t be there for any more. & the only reason why I hate it is because I miss it all so terribly much. I hate knowing that up to now you are the only man in my life who has ever made me feel loved, cared for, important, and safe. The only man who never let me down, who never made me sad, and who never made me think twice.
I hate that when I call for you in the middle of the night you won’t be able to walk down the hallway and save me from my nightmares and to save me from the pain and to comfort me. I miss you so so much Daddy and sometimes I feel like I need you more than anything else in this world. sometimes even though I know I have been blessed with so much, I feel like all I want is you.
To at least hug you one last time. To hear your voice one last time. To see your face, to see you smile, to hear your laugh. To have one last conversation with you. To make one more memory that we could call our own. For you to tuck me into bed one last time. To say goodnight one last time. To say your proud of me one last time and to say I love you, one last time.
Sometimes I feel so lonely because you’re gone. You really were my diary up until the very end. not only were you my diary but you taught me so much. You helped me learn from my mistakes & concur my fears. You taught me how to deal with situations and to incorporate everything that goes on in my life into who I am. Sometimes I wish you were here now to help me with the new mistakes I’ve made and the new fears I have; with the situations I’ve been put in and with who I am growing up to be. I miss the conversations we would have. I simply miss everything. So much it hurts & it hurts & it hurts.
Because you are gone I will forever have something missing in my heart, and I pray that you help me to fill it. Because sometimes, this is just too much to bare.
I hate it that I sometimes feel so lonely. I am surrounded by family and friends who love me all the time, all day, everyday, 24/7. Most people would call me lucky for what I have, and hell yeah I am. But being completely honest here, sometimes I feel just so damn lonely. But I don’t think I can exactly explain that loneliness. I mean I definitely understand that I am not alone in this world and that I have a lot of people out there who are there for me. I get it that I have much more than a lot of others in this world. Its a different kind of lonely, and its what constantly gets me thinking.. and I hate it.
I am so happy and grateful for all that I have been given, all that I have been blessed with and all that I have come across. I couldn’t be more happy with my life and the direction it is taking. I couldn’t thank God enough for all he has gifted me with and for all that I have. All my family, friends, & loved ones. All my talents, my mind, just who I am. I couldn’t be more grateful for the things I have like my cozy little house and cozy little bed. For all the things I complain all too much about and for all the materials I have and don’t treasure enough. I couldn’t be more blessed for the people who have become intertwined in my life and in my heart. I couldn’t be happier with all that I’ve been given. Right now everything is so wonderful and I couldn’t be happier for that fact alone. I have so much ahead of me & I’m surrounded by love & support. Thank You, Thank you, Thank you, A thousand times thank you..