i want to do this too ! but I don’t go on everyday :/ and I’m like 8 days late haha so now I’m not sure if i should just start off on my own, or catch up to you guys ha oh well, i’ll figure it out another day ha
Day 01 — Your favorite song
Day 02 — Your favorite movie Day 03 — Your favorite television program Day 04 — Your favorite book Day 05 — Your favorite quote Day 06 — Whatever tickles your fancy Day 07 — A photo that makes you happy Day 08 — A photo that makes you angry/sad Day 09 — A photo you took Day 10 — A photo of you taken over ten years ago Day 11 — A photo of you taken recently Day 12 — Whatever tickles your fancy Day 13 — A fictional book Day 14 — A non-fictional book Day 15 — A fanfic Day 16 — A song that makes you cry (or nearly) Day 17 — An art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.) Day 18 — Whatever tickles your fancy Day 19 — A talent of yours Day 20 — A hobby of yours Day 21 — A recipe Day 22 — A website Day 23 — A YouTube video Day 24 — Whatever tickles your fancy Day 25 — Your day, in great detail Day 26 — Your week, in great detail Day 27 — This month, in great detail Day 28 — This year, in great detail Day 29 — Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days Day 30 — Whatever tickles your fancy
The past few months I’ve been a member of the West Side Story crew at CHHS, and it has been one of the most fun and amazing experiences of my life ! It definitely has its ups and downs but over all I’m happy to be a part of it. The atmosphere, the people, everything about being in theater is just so great !
At the start of the show the teachers and directors said that by the end of it all we’d be like family, and at first I didn’t believe it at all. I was 1 out of 4 freshman on a cast and crew of 100 and I didn’t think I’d get to know too many people in only a matter of 2 months. Now I can honestly say they were right ! Its gonna be so hard to part from the people I’ve met and grown to love. Opening night is tomorrow and ready or not, its gonna be great ! It has to be ! can’t wait for what’s to come :)
So lately I’ve been feeling like I’m just going through the motions. Just doing what I have to do over and over again. I find my mind drifting off a lot more than it should. I’m just tired of everything at the moment. mainly.. i miss my dad.
Its been 8 months since he passed away and i honestly think the ‘depression’ and ‘anger’ stage are just now hitting me. things seems a bit more dull these days and I haven’t been able to find the inspiration to do what I love anymore. Everything that reminds me of my dad has just been screaming out at me lately, not that he’s not already on my mind. I’m just momentarily confused with life. And mostly with God. I talk to him everyday and do my best to understand but I can remain content for only so long.
I get annoyed extremely easily now and grow irritated with the littlest things. most times all I want to do now is cuddle up with my teddy bear in bed and think of nothing. Just lay there for hours.
I hate how we run through life doing what ‘we’re suppose to’ and having to put things that don’t even please us before ourselves. I hate fear. more than anything in the world, I hate fear. I hate feeling like a coward. I hate the thought that anyone can be taken just like my dad so instantly and suddenly. I hate being terrified that I will never accomplish my dreams before I die. I am scared and sometimes I have no idea what I’m even scared of. I’m tired of pleasing others before myself. But thats how I am, and it bothers me. I’m just exhausted; physically, mentally, &emotionally. Just sick of things at the moment.
There’s no masking it or disguising it. I miss you by my side. I miss the look you would give me, as If I was all that mattered. I wish I could feel your arms around me again, and your lips pressed against mine. The way your touch would linger after you’d walked away. Even the way you smelt when you pulled me close. The coolness of your breath, light on my lips, and the warmth of your cheek beside mine. The back massages you would give me, and the way you ran your hands through my hair. Your laugh was so contagious and the sound of your voice made my heart skip a beat.
If I were to say I took a risk on you is a matter of opinion. If I gave you my heart or not is still unclear to even myself, but I do know you hurt it. And I don’t think I love you enough to give you that chance again. Someone once told me that you should give your heart to someone you think is worth being hurt over. Someone you’re willing to risk the pain and heartbreak. Someone who’s willing to do the exact same thing with their own heart. Because that’s what the act of love is. It’s giving each other your heart and taking the risk together, because no matter what happens, you know it was all worth it. And if it truly is love then it is worth it.
The expression “love is a battlefield” is one most of us have heard and that’s the truth. And just like a battlefield we stop in the middle of it all and wonder. “Is this a battle worth fighting?” and the answer, if it’s truly love, is yes. It’s always worth the battle no matter the cost. If you come up with the answer “no” then really what are you fighting for? I don’t think I can carry on this battle for you any longer. I don’t think you’re worth the heartache and pain a second time, or even the first time to be frank. The way you made me feel was something special. Something great. But nothing at all unique. Any charmer or smooth talker could have done what you did, but you made me believe you were something more. Something to hold on to. And as of right now, I’m still not sure how true that is. Please, don’t think I’m only hating on you, or putting you down for my benefit.
The truth is, you were a great guy. Kind hearted and sweet. But I guess you weren’t everything I saw you to be. Clearly I don’t know you as well as I thought, or as well as I hoped. You seem unsure of yourself and what you want. It almost seems you’re still trying to find out who you are even though you try to pull off that you know exactly who you are. You’re still just a boy. Not a man, not even close. And don’t take that as an insult. I’m not saying I’m anything better than just a little girl. But you have to accept that yourself and realize, you don’t know everything, you’re not a man, and you don’t have control.
You told me you still care about me and like me more than you can say. So why did you let me go? I honestly don’t think I will fully understand why you did it. And there’s no way I’ll ever really be able to know. I don’t plan on going out of my way to figure it out but I can’t help but ponder the thought every so often.
This is another reason I can’t see myself giving you my heart in the future, no matter how far. I just don’t see why I would give my heart back to someone who already returned it once before. I don’t know how I could hold on to someone who already let go. I don’t know how I could pick up a flame that already burned me once.
Sure everyone deserves a second chance. And of course, if you let the one you love go and they come back to you then it’s truly worth it. Maybe this isn’t love at all, because I don’t want to come back. I just can’t do that to myself. I don’t think I can take the risk again. I don’t think you could either. You just think you can…
“I don’t pretend to know what love is for everyone,
but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone,
and still wanting to be with them more than any other person,
love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself,
including the things you might be ashamed of,
love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone,
but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”—unknown
“well then he wasn’t the one sara, you gotta wait and talk for a long time and figure this boy out and then choose whether this boy is worth getting hurt by, if you guys are willing to give each other your hearts… becasue when you do your heart is vulnerable thats why you have to choose if he is worth your time.
so if he does hurt you, you can say it was worth your love….”—a really good friend
“Love, of course, is a battlefield. and just like a battlefield we stop in the middle of it all and ask, is this all really worth fighting for? If it is love, then its always worth fighting for.”—Sara Montoya ;)